“Someone has added you as a Friend” is possibly the most repeated phrase in my inbox after signing up for a variety social networking sites a few years ago. It seems like every-time I open my inbox or check out (input social networking site here), I see a message like that with a link to confirm or deny my status with yet another individual.
If you’re like me, the first thing you feel is a bit of excitement. Not in the giddy school girl sense but in the way that everyone likes to be recognized and in some venue, valued. Depending on who you are, the next step is what defines the value of your social network.
Some of you will instantly become friends with the requester. It doesn’t matter how well you know them, or the value that person may add to your network. You either want to return the favor of announcing your friendship or enjoy your Friend/Network count to be a high number. It shows others how popular you really are.
Others may put this request through another filter by checking out how you know this person or if you don’t, if you’d like to know them. You may see that they are from the same geographical area as you, be a member in some of the same groups that you area (in real life or virtual), or possibly know some of the same people you know.
What I’ve been doing is put people through yet another filter. I put them through the,”Have I actually had a real conversation with this person” filter. To me, this is an important one and I’ve been doing this for a few reasons.
- Information Control – With each new connection, an amazing amount of new information will follow. I know I’ll be updated with everything this person is doing from changing their profile shot to their new connections, down to what events they are attending and requests from them to possibly be a part of those (however serious or silly).
- Trust – I want to rely on my network. If I need to hire someone new, ask for some help, or rely on them for who I should connect with next.
Putting people through this additional filter has helped me tremendously.
How to manage this
I’ll be the first to say this isn’t the quickest or easiest way of doing things. It takes some level of dedication and as you’ll see in a minute, time out of your daily schedule.
The first thing I do if I don’t know the person or know them very well is tell them why I can’t add them as a Friend/Connection right away. I tell them how important it is for me to have a close relationship with the people I know and if they would like me to add them as a Friend/Connection, we should setup a time to get together and learn more about what each-other does and what we may have in common. In my experience, most people respect this and respect me and my time more for this. For those that don’t see the importance, I probably don’t want to know them anyways.
In many cases, I’ll invite them to our office or if they’re not in the area, we’ll setup a conference call. I’ll skip the great conversations that are a result of this but needless to say, a great relationship is made and the world can quickly see our new friendship online.
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